apparently my boss who is a professor at my school doesn’t have a cell phone and his coworkers were upset by this so they bought him a childs toy phone and labeled it “David’s jitterbug” (for those of you that don’t know jitterbugs are phones made for old people that have like massive buttons and shit) so the other day I walked into his office to ask him a question and he pressed a button on it which made it start loudly playing the ABCs and he said “excuse me I have to take this” and then started singing along to the ABCs while shooing me out of his office
this is the phone. he apparently was in the middle of a meeting with the department the other day and got annoyed so he pressed a button, said “I have to take this” and left
David’s co-workers probably: “This is a valid tactic to embarrass him into buying a mobile phone, right?”
David: “Bold of you to assume that I get embarrassed.”
my brother is teaching his cat how to high five by giving her a treat every time she successfully taps her hand to his hand, which is all well and good, but now she thinks that she is entitled to food every time she high fives someone. i can’t eat in the same room as her anymore because she’ll just bap my hand rapid fire and then go nyoom straight in for my pizza like no Kelly that’s illegal go finish ur own dinner
“No Kelly, that’s illegal.”
So, a while back, I was using clicker-training to teach my cat Taz tricks. She learned very quickly and it was a good experience all around, but we had to hide the clicker.
Taz had learned that the clicker meant she got treats. So she would find it, carry it up to people, step on it to make it click, and then SCREAM AT THEM to give her the treats she was clearly owed because the clicker had made a sound.
“And yet the actors on “The Good Place” seem to coexist in a spirit of radical egalitarianism. The younger actors notice Danson arriving early to obsessively work on his scenes, despite the fact that he is literally Ted Danson. And they notice that Kristen Bell memorizes not only her own lines but everyone else’s too, and that she reads all the crazy philosophical course packets Schur sends out, so that she can discourse at length about moral particularism vs. the categorical imperative. Making a sitcom is incredibly tedious. Every scene is repeated infinite times, with tiny variations — and then the cameras are moved and the scene is repeated infinitely again. On set, Bell is a technician, precise and rational and systematic. She has a bright, quick energy, and she can change direction, multiple times, in a single line. In the mansion, I watched her working and reworking a scene in which Eleanor has a meltdown — a moment of insecurity that escalates into an angry retreat. Bell is small, barely five feet tall, and she was dressed that day in jeans and a pink sweatshirt. In the middle of the mansion’s chaos, she seemed like the rock-solid center around which everything else rotated. I watched her perform the same scene over and over, take by take, as if she were slowly turning up an emotional dial… After many takes, Bell reached what she called her “big” take — one in which her rising anger basically blew the gilded doors off the room. (Later, editors would patch pieces of these performances together, deciding which precise emotional shades served the episode best.) Before storming out of the room, Bell had to rip out a chunk of a giant cake with her hands, and she approached that task with similar precision. She tried it standing on one side of the table and then the other, with one hand and then two, pulling the chunk violently up or dragging it straight back. ‘I want a rough rip,’ she declared finally. The cake was huge, and there were only two backups, so it was important not to mess it up. But Bell needed only one cake. The rip, indeed, was rough.”
Clark Kent is not a coward, he just hates Superman. The reason he runs off every time disaster occurs is cause he knows Superman will be there soon and he can’t stand the guy.
Clark Kent has to remove himself from the scene to keep from throwing hands at Superman.
some people today complain that having the internet at our fingertips has spoiled millennials but like, i’m so glad i can look shit up whenever i want to. like can you imagine what it’d be like living in ancient greece and having to rely on herodotus when he says shit like “lions can only give birth once bc their cubs claw their way out of the womb”? i’d have to be like “o damn, guess that’s true” before going back to farming and dying of malaria bc i just thought my neighbor was cursing me again and didn’t go see a doctor
